Category Archives: Dating Tips

dating chat rooms

Dating Chat Rooms

We’ve all seen it in the movies… The main male character is somewhere, he introduces himself to the beautiful woman who falls for him instantly. This is not the reality 99% of achieve. Dating and chatting with women used to be a very difficult affair for those of us who find it hard to walk up to someone out of nowhere. We used to rely on friends of friends, work colleagues, or being ‘set up’. However, in 1995 the game changed and dating became a simpler, more successful endeavor. 28 years ago entered the internet and became a pioneer of the online dating world. They provided people with the opportunity for singletons to meet like-minded others in an environment that removed a lot of the pressures of the traditional dating game. People could ‘date’ others without actually meeting them!

The introduction of a live chat feature, a chat room, where singletons could talk to each other through writing messages, was groundbreaking. It allowed singletons to chat with others from the comfort of their own home. The chat feature meant that two singletons could get to know each other before arranging to meet up in person. This took away the awkward first meeting as the ice was already broken. The two potential lovers would meet up safe in the knowledge that they knew what their date looked like and already knew a fair bit about them. Since their first inception, dating chat rooms have come by leaps and bounds. They are now safer, more refined, and much more successful! Thinking of using one of the many online dating sites with chat functions? Read on for more information and things to consider.

How to Write the First Message in Chat Room

The all-important first message can make or break your chances with a potential date. You’ve seen the profile picture of someone that interests you and have decided to send a message but…what should you write?! Sending a plain “Hi” will get you nowhere as that demonstrates zero effort! You could try and open with a joke but you don’t know her sense of humor yet so this could be, potentially, a risky move! You need to be clever with your first message. You need something that will not only grab her attention but make her want to find out more about you. In simple terms, you want a message that will get her to respond! Here are some things to consider when starting your conversation!

  • ⏩ Ask about something specific – Starting with phrases like “I notice that” or “You mentioned in your profile that..” show that you have taken the time to look at their profile and find out a little about them. If they mention they like to travel, and you do too, you could ask where their dream destination is. This will show you are genuinely interested and thus you are more likely to get a response!
  • ⏩ Would you rather — would you rather questions, when clean/ interesting, are perfect conversation starters! This will cause some thought on their part and is a creative way to get to know someone. You could ask questions like “Would you rather be able to control your future or change your past?” or “Would you rather have all the money in the world or all the time in the world?”. These are interesting and thought-provoking. You are almost guaranteed to get a response.
  • ⏩ Ask a general, open-ended question — These offer more chances for a conversation where you can get a better sense of what the other person is really like. Your first question could be as broad as “How is your life going right now?”. This can give you a lot of information. The hope is that they will respond with similar, open-ended questions. However, exercise caution if they only talk about themselves!
  • ⏩ Deep questioning — this one is a tricky one. You may want to dive right in with a deep question such as “What is the most meaningful thing to happen to you in your life so far”. The response you get could be flippant or sincere but it will give you a good measure of the person.

These are just a couple of ideas. You can always use her photo to inspire your first message. Making your first message feel like a normal question, such as asking about what film to watch, will make the lady feel more at ease. She can respond in a humorous fashion or give a serious response. Either way, you have a response and it is something you can build on. Make sure you give your first message some thought and remember these tips:

  • Be respectful — you must treat the lady online in the same way you would in ‘the real world’. Be polite, listen and respond accordingly. We would say that respect is the number one factor to keep in mind when chatting online.
  • No rude jokes — keep it clean, this includes photos, jokes, and comments.
  • Make it interesting — a bored lady is a lady that walks away from your conversations. You need to keep her interested by asking insightful, open questions and listening carefully. Demonstrate that you have listened by making relevant comments, and asking questions relating to previous conversations or what you see in her profile.
  • Make it relevant — don’t focus on the past or comment on something completely irrelevant. She needs to know that you are interested in her and not clutching at straws.

What to Chat About? Best Topics & Topics to Avoid

Now, this bit can be a bit tricky for most of us out there when, in reality, it should not be that hard! There is a fine line here between asking interesting questions and interviewing, telling stories and talking about yourself too much, sharing your interests, and being overbearing. Most of your conversations online will be one of two approaches — stories about yourself (mostly) or questions. Stories about yourself need to be interesting and you need to show emotion when telling them, especially if through video chat. Using smiley emojis or, if a video, smiling will show your connection with your happy tale. Having a couple of stories in mind before a conversation is a must so that you are prepared! Here are some interesting topics to chat with ladies online about:

  • Ask questions about the events of the day/week. These are open and interesting and she is likely to respond in a similar way.
  • Discuss your, and her, plans for the upcoming weekend. After a while of dating these could turn into joint plans.
  • Memories or funny stories from your childhood. These could invoke questions or encourage her to talk about her childhood. Connections could be made here and/ or this could help the conversation stay flowing.
  • If you’ve read her profile or have chatted for a bit already, discussing common interests and hobbies is the perfect way to get to know someone while discussing something familiar for both of you.
  • A story from your day/week. You could ask for advice as a way to get her to relax into the conversation by offering you support.
  • Something random! This could depend on your interests but talk about a new recipe, the weather, new jokes, films, music, news (not politics….not yet!), or any new exercises you should try. This ‘normal’ conversation is the best way to make a connection but make sure it does not become mundane!

Here are some of the no-go areas/ approaches. Remember, you do not want your online date chat to feel like an interview.

  • Don’t be rude. Rude comments or jokes are surefire ways to make the lady disconnect. Asking her what size she wears or telling a lude joke is a definite no!
  • Don’t be too direct, especially in the beginning! Asking who she voted for, how much money she makes, or if she had a Covid-19 jab is a bit too forward. These questions can come in time or if the topic of conversation lends itself to asking these questions.
  • Don’t be boring. Questions like Do you like films or Do you like listening to music will give you one of two responses….yes or no. Yawn! Keep it interesting. What did you do today? Yikes! Is your online date a child that has been to school? No! This question is boring and will invoke a boring response…if you get one! Change it up with “Tell me one thing that made you smile today”.

When to Ask for a Date

Unfortunately, there is no right or wrong answer to this question. However, it is (obviously) not appropriate to ask for a face-to-face date during the first conversation, or even during the first few chats! It is best to spend some time getting to know each other and finding out key information rather than jumping in on having a date. Look out for signs she gives you that means she is hoping you’ll ask. If discussing films or areas of interest to you both she may ask where you would take her. Which film/show would you take her to see etc? This is your opportunity to test the water and suggests taking her at a particular time. Keep this open, not a specific date but more of  “How about next week sometime?”. In this situation, she has given you the green light to ask for a date and, hopefully, will respond by making arrangements with you! If such a situation does not present itself you should probably wait until after 5-10 different chats before introducing the idea of a face-to-face meeting. It could be better to offer a video call first, a sort of ‘in the middle’ compromise. Either way, you do not want to rush in too fast or wait too long. If you do wait too long she will either ask you about the possibility of a date or stop chatting with you, seeing your lack of asking as a lack of interest! Timing is everything….good luck!

The Perfect Online Dating Profile Picture

Now, this particular section could relate to the pictures you choose for your online dating profile or to the ones you may decide to send her during your conversations. Either way, the photo you pick could make or break your chances with a lady so you must make sure you choose wisely! If you are thinking about your dating chat profile picture it is one of the most important, alongside your profile information, decisions you will make as this will guide her first impression of you! Below are some of the ideas that would be the best choice when choosing a chat profile picture.

4 Dos & Donts for Photos in Your Dating Profile

Dos Don’ts
✅ Photos with the family — whether these are photos with your siblings, children, parents, or friends these photos will have a positive effect as they add credibility to your profile. However, only use such photos on sites you trust completely or keep them to send later during personal correspondence. These photos can help start a conversation and will also say more about you than you think. ❌ Pictures with expensive cars or other objects in the background. This will make others think you are quite superficial or only attract people that are interested in superficiality. You don’t want a potential love interest to be put off because they think you will be more interested in material things than in them.
✅ Pictures of you doing something you love — this could be at a concert, theatre, museum, at work, or on your holidays (think carefully about this one, you will see why later). Not only will these attract ladies with similar interests but they will also show potential chats a little bit about you, and what interests you and could help them strike up a conversation with you. ❌ Selfies or photos with food, drink, or cigarettes in hand. Photos of you surrounded by food or with a cigarette in your hand will reveal nothing about you or your character other than the fact you smoke or you like a good meal! Funny photos of you with a huge slice or pizza could be a possibility as they may demonstrate your fun side but avoid photos of you with a pint in one hand and a kebab in the other!
✅ Candid, funny photos (not rude ones though!). These will show you are a real person who does not take yourself too seriously and can laugh at yourself. Now, be careful not to put photos that are rude or offensive but ones that poke fun at you. These could help as another person may message asking what was happening or to make a joke with you about the photo. ❌ Pictures with little clothing (this links to the holiday bit!). As with the superficial aspect of surrounding yourself with expensive things, showing a lot of flesh will either put people off or attract the wrong sort of interest. You should keep the photos of you in your swimming trunks or ones of you straight out of the shower (wrapped in a towel of course) for later in the relationship. You want potential love interests to see that you are looking for a serious relationship and not just a hookup. Do not ruse to take off your clothes, even in the photos, as this can be done in a more appropriate way much later in the relationship!
✅ Photos with animals — got any amazing photos of you on safari? A cute photo of you holding an animal? These can be a great choice as long as they are not too cheesy. Photos with pets are excellent but can be off-putting if they are too serious or if you have gone over the top with a pose. Keep them natural, a great picture of you playing fetch with your dog or cuddling your cat could be a great choice! You could even seek out a funny picture with your pet for a double whammy! ❌ Pictures of you squatting, kneeling, slouching, looking sad, or looking angry are a no-go. You want your photo to be 100% clear and visible. A full-length photo does not need to be boring, it could be you sitting, laying down…even jumping!

While there are many positive choices to make when picking a photo there are also some ideas that you must avoid!

It is important that the photos you upload are of high quality, maybe even professionally done. Remember, the first thing they will see when you message them or as they scroll through potential matches is the picture. It needs to make the best first impression! It is wise to have at least one photo that is a portrait in which your face and handsome smile are clearly visible. They should be clear, and bright and, where possible, demonstrate your height and shape. Most importantly of all…make sure they are current and not ten years old! You don’t want to arrange a date and have her be shocked at how different you look from your photo! 4-6 photos that show a variety of different activities, poses, etc are best!

What Might a Woman’s Silence Mean?

Awkward silences are, well, awkward. Both parties end up feeling uncomfortable and a connection can be lost. Now, a silent moment does not mean that the other party is not interested in you which is often easier to spot face-to-face i.e. they are still smiley and making eye contact but just nervous! However, knowing how the other person is feeling, especially when silent, during a type of online chat, is almost impossible to discover. You could be direct and ask why but prepare yourself for not liking the answer (some of the time!). Here are some of the reasons your online date may go quiet.

  • ⏩ You are just not keeping her interest. Try not to take this as criticism, she may not have the same interests as you and so this causes her attention to wander. You could say “Sorry, I must sound really boring” or “Oh no, I’ve sent you to sleep!”. See what her response is and go from there. If she agrees with you, you have two choices — keep trying or agree a connection is not being made and move on.
  • ⏩ If you are chatting online with a lady from another country, it could be that her English is not at the level she would like it to be. Her answers may be short as she is using the words in her vocabulary. It could be that she is literally looking for the right words to say. If you are already aware of her cultural background, impress her by using Google Translate to write a message in her language. This will help her relax and feel more confident doing the same. You could even offer to help her with her English…a great way to make a connection!
  • ⏩ She is busy — the hope here is that if this is true, they will tell you as such! Don’t assume a lack of response is a demonstration of disinterest. She may be too busy. Give her time. If after a few days, you are within your rights to ask, politely, if everything is okay and why she has not responded. Do NOT hound her with “Are you okay?” or “Why aren’t you answering me?” questions!
  • ⏩ She has other plans. It is completely plausible that she has made other plans and hasn’t told you!
  • ⏩ It could be that she is more interested in talking to someone else and isn’t completely sure about you yet. You have two options here. Cut your losses and look for someone else or keep trying. Whichever you choose, make sure you are respectful, no matter what the response!
  • ⏩ She may not want to explain her silence to you and that is okay. If you pressure her into doing so you will probably lose any chance of a connection with her. She may be a bit more private or enjoy her time away from the app/ site. Respect her silence, respect her explanation and you will gain her respect.
  • ⏩ It could just be that this is how she is. She may struggle with conversation, it may not be her strong point; Try not to see this as a challenge or as her playing hard to get. Respect her and respect who she is… it will work in your favor!

At the end of the day, the only way you will truly understand a woman’s silence is to ask her! If she remains silent, when asked, then you already have your answer. However, if she does respond it is your duty as a man, as a person to respect her response no matter what its impact on you! Love is out there for everyone, you will find her!

Staying Safe While Chatting Online

Staying safe in online chat rooms is paramount, don’t let your guard down. You will want to make sure that who you are talking to is genuine and that you also make sure that others realize you are not there to scam them but are genuinely looking for love! Here are a few tips to consider!

  1. Before you put your profile anywhere online read the reviews of the site in question. See what others have to say about their experiences so that you can make an informed decision as to whether a site is trustworthy or not.
  2. Make sure your profile information is true! This does not mean you have to lay out your entire life and leave some of your stories for discovering later, but make sure you are honest and write enough to start a conversation!
  3. Keep the pictures you post unique i.e. not on your Facebook or Instagram. This will prevent people from reverse image searching on Google or TinEye and accessing your other social media accounts or contacting you in other ways. You can also use these tools if you suspect something isn’t quite right. Reverse image searches their profile pictures to see where else they appear online. You could find out they have just used a stock image from Google and are scamming you. Therefore, you can use these tools to protect yourself and check who is being genuine with you.
  4. If you would prefer to keep your data well hidden then there are some sites that can do this for you. Matchmaking is growing in this field. They keep your data safe and secure while matching you with like-minded others. They do the work of searching for you and introducing you to each other to start your online dating chats. This way your data is secure and you are safe in the knowledge that the other person has gone through the same process to protect themselves thus demonstrating their genuine interest in finding love.
  5. Be aware of your past conversations. This may seem a strange thing to say but listen carefully. You will, of course, be completely accurate with your stories and remember what you have said because it is the truth. However, if someone is lying it is often harder for them to remember what they have said. Now, we are not saying that you should keep detailed notes about everything the other person says to you but it is wise to keep track. If you notice discrepancies or that a story starts to differ in key details this could be a sign that the other person is not being honest with you. When this happens you have two choices – bring them up on it or walk away. Either way, you need to be very careful when stories start to appear false.

The world of online dating and dating chat rooms is key to creating many successful relationships. You need to make sure that you are always honest and keep your eyes peeled for anything that may seem suspicious. Chat rooms are one of the most positive aspects of online dating as they give you the opportunity to find out more with minimal risk to yourself. Do not be put off heading into the world of online dating chat rooms as it could open doors to finding yourself, true love.